Child-friendly Society

One of the great things about living in the Dominincan Republic is the fact that children are welcome pretty much everywhere. This is so different from the U.S. where people look at you like you're crazy upon entering many sit-down restaurants with children. And if your children laugh just a little too loud or have a meltdown then everyone (employees and patrons) turns around and glares at you with that "Well, I never" look. So basically, many parents make the decision to just not go out at all or hardly at all for the first 4 years or so. Well luckily for our family, that's not the case in Santo Domingo. We can go to nice restaurants, ballets, and even the movies without worrying about feeling out of place. One time we went to a nice restaurant on a Saturday night and the kids were restless while waiting on the food to come. K. Amiri was banging his knife and fork on the plates (and we were constantly trying to shush him), so two different waitresses came by to give the kids balloons and a face mask so they could play with something more age-appropriate and less annoying. Last weekend Z. Mulenga and N. David and I went to a modern dance performance at the Palacio de Bellas Artes and a little boy started crying while and saying "yo tengo miedo" (I am scared) over and over again while a masked performer was on stage. As his mother stood up and walked the long walk from the front row to the back of the theatre to leave, the audience just laughed - no dirty looks. Dear hubby and I were even at the movies one night watching something for adults and a couple walked in with their young children who weren't the quietest and no one complained (no one but me secretly because frankly I don't think kids should be watching adult movies with adults at 9 p.m.). So although I do think there should be limits on where children are allowed, the child-friendly culture here in the DR is a welcome change.

I Wish all Children were Blessed with a Childhood Filled with Play, Love, and Running Water

One day a Haitian woman with her 5 yr. old Sofia came to my home to two-strand twist my hair for the first time. The visit was going really well because my daughter Z. Mulenga had someone to play with and my hair was being twisted in peace. After dancing and listening to music and watching "The Wiggles", Sofia said she needed to use the bathroom. Z. Mulenga led her to the half-bath and left her there to use it privately. I didn't hear the toilet flush and I didn't hear the water running afterward so I told Sofia to please wash her hands and asked Z. Mulenga to show her how to flush the toilet. Z. Mulenga refused, but Sofia did wash her hands. At one point during their visit, I brought out my daughter's puzzle that consists of about 20 different boys and girls dressed like various people. Each person is divided into 3 puzzle pieces - so 3 pieces for the ballerina, 3 for the fireman, 3 for the doctor, etc. The puzzle is easy enough for my 3-yr.-old to do alone. Based on Sofia's reaction to the puzzle pieces, I gathered she had not seen a puzzle before. No big deal. She's not the only child that I've met who hadn't played with a puzzle before. I tried showing her how to put the pieces together, but she just couldn't seem to grasp the concept. When I put the pieces side by side so she could easily lock them, she did not know what to do. To make matters worse, her mom started ridiculing her (I'm assuming out of embarrassment) and repeating to her, "Sofia, tú no sabes, tú no sabes tus colores, tú no sabes." She then tried to show her how to put the pieces together by placing the pieces one of top of the other - which is also incorrect. I wanted to tell her to be quiet and stop telling her she doesn't know because the reason her daughter can't put the pieces together is due to her lack of exposure which is no fault of her own.

After my hair was done, I went to the bathroom to look in the mirror. The floor was wet. Sofia came to the bathroom and joyfully announced to her mom and me that she peed on the floor. I asked Sofia why and she repeated that she peed on the floor. Her mom (due to embarrassment, I'm sure) began asking Sofia why she did that and started chastising her. She asked me for a mop and cleanser to clean the floor. I wondered, "Did Sofia pee on the floor because we have a small drain built into the floor?" "Well, no that can't be the reason because she squatted far away from the drain based on where the floor was wet." "Do they have a toilet in their home? Has she ever seen a toilet? Is it possible that some homes don't have toilets in Santo Domingo - the land of Louis Vutton, high end restaurants, and more car dealerships than any midwestern city I've ever lived?" Sofia's mom was so upset that she kept chastising her until Sofia started crying.

A week later, they returned to my house when our housekeeper was present. I relayed the bathroom story to our housekeeper and she informed me that they probably have a little outhouse and there are still homes without toilets in Santo Domingo. She later confirmed that Sofia didn't live with a toilet in her home because she took her to the bathroom and she didn't know what to do. Our housekeeper had to put her on the toilet.

This bathroom + puzzle experience + the numerous amount of Haitian children ages 4 - 13 begging on the main street near my house really caused me to reflect on how unfair it is for so many children in the world to be robbed of a carefree childhood. A house filled with puzzles, books, hugs, kisses, and encouragement is a no-brainer to me and many others, but to millions of people it is so far from reality that it never enters the imagination of many children. Children should not have to bypass the local playground and stand in the middle of the street walking up to every car stopped at a red light in order to earn their keep or put money in the pockets of adults sitting on the sidelines. They should be sliding down slides, swinging on swings, and playing hide-and-go-seek. I don't have the solution to end injustice, provide running water and proper sewage systems to every household in the world, or stop child trafficking. For now I am satisfied with positively affecting one child at a time - by smiling at Sofia whenever she's over, giving her a hug, sending her home with healthy, yummy snacks, continuing to share our puzzles, and providing her with the opportunity to wash her hands with soap and water each time she visits.

Acts of kindness and prayer are two of my most powerful weapons.