'Tis the Season to Mendigar??

I remember my boss telling me last year that a couple of garbage collectors knocked on his door around Christmas time last year to "say Merry Christmas" and basically ask for money.  I thought it was an isolated incident.  I was here last Christmas too, but I didn't experience any of that.

So last week when I saw one of the newspaper delivery guys, (hired by the newspaper) to leave newspapers at the gates of housing compounds throughout the city, being escorted by the watchman to all of my neighbors' homes...I was a bit taken aback.  Dear Hubby gave the delivery man money and I really had a problem with it. 

Yesterday as we stopped to pay the toll on the road toward the airport, the public employee at the toll booth reminded my husband that it is Christmas (although it wasn't because yesterday was December 30th) because he wanted money.  And of course, my husband gave him extra. 

I think it is pretty bold and inappropriate to walk around demanding extra money from people that you serve [as part of your paid employment] because it is Christmas time. 

Today, during our short outing with the kiddoes, we were asked by 3 or 4 different people for money.  People that I don't think are typically begging for money any other time of the year - but perhaps, feel like 'tis the season for people to open their pockets/purses. 

And to this, I say the problem is a reflection of the temporary feeling by many in the greater society (both here in the DR and in my own beloved country) of generosity, compassion, love, and kindness that surfaces in December and retreats in January. It is true that no false sense of entitlement to other people's money is acceptable,
but it is also true that there are people in need 365 days a year and

it is definitely true that there are "invisible" people such as garbage collectors, newspaper delivery guys, and street sweepers that help make our lives comfortable and earn very little who rarely experience an expression of gratitude.

And so, I am grateful for the reminder to show appreciation to all those "invisible" people that contribute to my quality of life throughout the year.








Y

We're Going to ZAMBIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I was sooooooooooooooo excited!!!  But the reality of what that means hit me and although I'm still excited, the excitement has been tempered a bit as I begin to plan for the impending move, answer questionnaires that will influence our living conditions for 4 years, and research everything from schools to right-hand drive vehicles to using 220v electronics.

The impending move is 6-7 months away, but from what I've read and heard about Lusaka, Zambia I feel very fortunate that our family will move there. 

Based on what I've learned about our future home so far, I'm looking forward to:

• Weather that is a bit more variable than the Dominican  Republic's since hot weather is not exactly my cup of tea.  The average highs in Lusaka from January - August range from 73 - 79 degrees and the average lows range from 48 to 53 degrees and the hottest month is October with average highs of 88 degrees.
• Being able to walk outside without being overly concerned about violent crime.  As in all places in the world, crime exists but to my knowledge the threat level is nowhere near that experienced here in Santo Domingo.
• Living in a different kind of city.  I currently live in a very big city and all the ugliness that comes with that, including heavy traffic, high crime rates, and about as much hustle and bustle as exists in the DC metro area.  One perk of living overseas for me has always been living in an environment with a slower pace.  Apparently Lusaka is a capital city without all the big city advantages and disadvantages.
• Shopping for produce at markets and not U.S.-style grocery stores and buying fresh organic veggies from Sugar Bush farm!!!!  One of the greatest disappointments about Santo Domingo was the fact that outdoor markets are barely in existence here.  The one market that some Dominicans go to has vendors with attitudes that don't want to bargain at all and prices that are higher than the supermarkets. 
• Wildlife!  [I hope] We'll see lions, hippos, gazelles, elephants, rhinos, and zebras that aren't in zoos while we're there.  
• Victoria Falls - one of the Seven Wonders of the World, of course.

Voluntoldism and Becoming More Social

I've been in Santo Domingo for 16 months now and have pretty much kept to myself and my family on the weekends. I don't think I'm antisocial by nature; however, I feel really awkward and uncomfortable in big groups of people that I don't know. So in general, I don't go to happy hours, dinner club parties, or anything else that involves the wider community. I have only been "invited" to one Ambassador event during my tour but I was out of the country and I've attended 3 community-wide events during the past 16 months: The Holiday Party at the Ambassador's Residence last December, the Health Fair, and the Green Festival. I didn't even feel like waiting around for hours with cranky children to take a picture with the Secretary of State last month when she was here visiting. And I've only had people over for dinner three times - and that is primarily because my chef-like husband loves cooking for company.

Well last month was bidding season for me and in one of my conversations with a Mission where I really hope to go, I learned that the inter-agency community is close-knit and people are always getting together in the evenings and on the weekends. The community is also a bit smaller than the DR's mission and the city doesn't have nearly as many independent entertainment options as Santo Domingo.

So after talking to someone from my mission of choice, I told myself and my husband that I'm going to have to do better, drink a cup of courage and start participating in more activities and socializing with people more often. I hadn't decided on when, but I was thinking some time between January and August 2012. I was on the fence about practicing here in Santo Domingo or waiting until we move to our new country and starting anew there.

Well, thanks to the Foreign Service's overseas voluntoldism policy and God hearing my "cry", a couple of opportunities were presented to me within the last couple of weeks.

First, I received a phone call about from an unknown (to me) woman that went like this:
Woman: Hi, Ayana?
Me: Yes, this is Ayana
Woman: Hi, I'm AJ and MW told me you'd be interested in being a cocktail model for the Green Fashion Show in a couple of weeks.
Me: Noooooo, hmm...I think maybe MW got mixed up because I wrote to the CLO and told her that my SON could be in the fashion show if you guys needed male models.


*side note* I know I was wrong for that, but I DID volunteer my teenager after checking with him because I felt like he could take up my socializing slack since he's so confident. I had recently entered him in the tennis tournament too. So I was socializing by proxy.

Woman: Oh yeah, well we've had a few people volunteer their spouses and if we need male models I'll include him. But really - MW said you'd be a great cocktail model. You don't have to walk on the runway. She said you'd be great for this role because we need someone who smiles alot and who will walk up to the guests and tell them about the dress you're wearing and the designer that'll design the dress.
Me: oh okay, sure.
Woman: GREAT! There's a meeting tomorrow and hopefully you can make it.

Now, I DO smile alot and I'm sure that is why MW, my Mission Director's WIFE, gave my phone number out and suggested me; however, what she DOESN'T know is that it is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HARRRRRRRRDDDDDDDDD for me to walk up to perfect strangers and start talking to them. But, what's a first tour officer who never participates in anything to do? Accept the challenge! So I did and below are some pictures of me being a cocktail model and wearing green superhero makeup to support my Country.

This is why I was NOT voluntold or asked to be a runway model apparently.

Designer of my dress - Ines de Sanctis

Getting dressed in my upcycled outfit from upholstery fabric and curtains-turned-dress.

In the end, I enjoyed myself, met some new people (although a couple of folks asked if I'd just joined the mission a couple of months ago), and felt good about contributing to something for the greater good.


In the same week, I was on email message sent to a handful of people from my agency inviting us to hear remarks from the US Attorney General and take a group picture.  Although my initial reaction was "no way ", I was glad I went.

On the subject of BATHROOMS

In my home these days, 'tis the season for contemplating how life will inevitably change for my family next summer when we relocate to "who knows where". As such, yesterday Dear Hubby and I were pontificating about potential housing at the next post when the subject of bathrooms came up.

I mentioned that, "it's totally possible that we won't have as many bathrooms in our house next time" based on the pictures I've seen of some houses in different countries that are on my list.

Now according to Dear Hubby, he needs to to have his own bathroom to ensure complete privacy and the ability to spend endless amounts of time without being bothered by our Dear Children.

And as for me, I don't want to share a bathroom with Dear Hubby, my oldest son, or my youngest son.

Our conversation about how many bathrooms we need got me to thinking about just how spoiled we've become in less than 18 months. You see - I grew up in a home with four females and one tiny bathroom and somehow we did just fine with what we had. Dear Hubby grew up in a rural, lesser developed area and had one bathroom too to share with three siblings and two parents.

In 2005, I stayed with a host family in Xela, Guatemala and had to leave the bedroom, physically walk outside (and past a dog and for those that know me that was scary), through a door and into a standalone bathroom, flip a switch and pray the "hot" water would at least reach 60 degrees.

In 2006, I lived in a house in Lasso, Ecuador that required me to leave the room, walk outside and across a wooden board covering a "river" or drainage ditch to get to the other side of the yard and use a standalone bathroom. In that same year, I lived in Salcedo, Ecuador and although I had moved up in the world, I still had to walk outside to get into my bathroom that was attached to the outside of the kitchen. AND to top it all off, water was only available from 7 a.m. - 7 p.m. so taking a late night shower or flushing the toilet in the wee hours of the night was just not possible.

Fast forward to recent years and "upscale" Fairfax County, VA living - Dear Hubby, my three children, and I shared a townhouse with 1.5 bathrooms and again - we made it just fine.

But NOWWWWW we've had a taste of the good life for a full 16 months with a bathroom in all four bedrooms, a half-bath under the stairs, and a full bath outside the pool area (don't get excited - we covered the pool) and we almost completely lost our minds and our sense of grounded reality because we just can't fathom living in a home with only 3, or even worse - 2 bathrooms.

So this post is a reminder to me to (1)remain appreciative, (2)stay grounded, and (3)keep it together as I move on, up, and around in the world.

Child-friendly Society

One of the great things about living in the Dominincan Republic is the fact that children are welcome pretty much everywhere. This is so different from the U.S. where people look at you like you're crazy upon entering many sit-down restaurants with children. And if your children laugh just a little too loud or have a meltdown then everyone (employees and patrons) turns around and glares at you with that "Well, I never" look. So basically, many parents make the decision to just not go out at all or hardly at all for the first 4 years or so. Well luckily for our family, that's not the case in Santo Domingo. We can go to nice restaurants, ballets, and even the movies without worrying about feeling out of place. One time we went to a nice restaurant on a Saturday night and the kids were restless while waiting on the food to come. K. Amiri was banging his knife and fork on the plates (and we were constantly trying to shush him), so two different waitresses came by to give the kids balloons and a face mask so they could play with something more age-appropriate and less annoying. Last weekend Z. Mulenga and N. David and I went to a modern dance performance at the Palacio de Bellas Artes and a little boy started crying while and saying "yo tengo miedo" (I am scared) over and over again while a masked performer was on stage. As his mother stood up and walked the long walk from the front row to the back of the theatre to leave, the audience just laughed - no dirty looks. Dear hubby and I were even at the movies one night watching something for adults and a couple walked in with their young children who weren't the quietest and no one complained (no one but me secretly because frankly I don't think kids should be watching adult movies with adults at 9 p.m.). So although I do think there should be limits on where children are allowed, the child-friendly culture here in the DR is a welcome change.

On my soap box about women's rights

Something has been bothering me for a few months - the push for c-sections in Santo Domingo and the scare tactics used by these obstetricians and the impact this is having on the Dominican culture surrounding pregnancy, birth, and postpartum periods(at least in my eyes). Santo Domingo is very similar to many other U.S. cities and is also similar to the U.S. in the fact that the rate of birth by cesarean is unconscionably high. As an aside, the country also has the lowest breastfeeding rate in all of the Americas with only 8% of mothers providing breastmilk as the main source of nourishment for the first six months.

Why is this issue tugging on my heart now? Because in the past few months, I think every locally engaged staff member who gave birth plus every friend of a locally engaged staff member who gave birth did so by c-section. I'm upset because I've listened to the conversations of these educated women in this society talk about how they can't have a vaginal birth if the baby is too big although the pelvis opens up 33% wider than usual and really only about 3% of women truly have a condition that prevents babies from making it through the birth canal, or if they are 40 weeks or approaching 40 weeks then the doctor is ready to schedule surgery, and how they found a doctor that supports vaginal births (yet the same doctor makes other statements that indicate otherwise).

It is disheartening to hear these women talk like they don't have a choice at all or worse, to try and encourage a woman who actually fought for her right to choose a vaginal birth!!

I mean how can an experienced OB explain to a woman that if she doesn't start labor by day X then they will skip the pitocin and induction and just schedule major surgery?!?? And not for someone with a high risk pregnancy?!? How can the same OB (supposed last of the OBs that still support vaginal births in the capital) schedule a c-section for a woman days prior to the due date only because that woman got anxious and grew tired of waiting??? Where is the professional integrity? Doesn't anyone care that healing from surgery AND trying to take care of a newborn baby is not the ideal way to enter the postpartum period?

To say that I'm disgusted by this birth culture is an understatement. Not only are women having c-sections more often than not, but there is also this unspoken pressure to look pretty at all times...so much so that some O.B. practices have on-site hairstyling services where a woman can have her hair done DURING or immediately after delivery. And in this same upper middle income country, a disproportionate amount of infants are malnourished, in part due to a very low breastfeeding rate - even for mothers that are poor and cannot afford to provide the amount of formula necessary to adequately feed their babies.

In my non-qualified, non-scientific opinion, the choice not to breastfeed, elective c-sections (elected by the patient or doctor), and physical beauty above all else (including healing) are all indicative of a culture that undervalues women's (and by extension their babies) rights to adequate healthcare and to make informed, educated choices about their bodies.

Where in the World Should We Go Next?

I know I've had to make major decisions that will impact my life and the lives of my family members before, but for some reason I feel so nervous about the decision facing me now. In about one week, I need to rank order the positions I hope to occupy next year and in essence I will be rank ordering the places I want to live next year. Deciding on where to live for the next four years means that I will essentially define the school options for my three children, the professional development and employment opportunities for my husband, and the quality of life for all of us. Last week I found myself half-wishing that the agency would just give me a flag and direct me to my new home.

One year ago when I thought I knew what my options would be, I was so sure that Kenya was the best place for all of us and I spent so much time doing research and convincing dear hubby and my teenager that it would be a great place for us. I even visited Nairobi in June for a couple of days to get a feel for the place and visit the school and I was even more excited about the possibility of moving there next year. But then the list came out and a place I never dreamed would come up for me appeared on the list along with an invitation to consider a place that I had mentally dismissed because of malaria.

So now I'm just confused!!

Kenya is still so attractive for many reasons (no need for anti-malarial drugs in the capital, great schools, good weather, lots of activities, friendly people, good housing, the list goes on and on) and it's the top choice for my hubby and eldest son; however, I'm worried about the high crime and Somalians and stories like this are not helping me feel better.

But now the Southern African nation of Zambia is appealing too and a bit slower-paced. There, too, we would have great weather, a moderate amount of stuff to do, low malaria risk in Lusaka, and friendly people, but there is also LESS CRIME and I haven't heard of any terrorist threats. BUT, it's more expensive and I've heard the high school doesn't compare to the schools in Nairobi.

Or What about the West African nation of Ghana? Rich in culture, enough activities to keep the whole family busy, a supervisor that I already know and like, great seafood options, beaches nearby, safe community but HOTTER THAN THE DOMINICAN REPUBLIC with a very real malaria threat and an o.k. American-style high school.

Knowing that my family will face some level of risk no matter where we go is probably the heaviest weight on my shoulders. I've had a couple of people tell me that in this business, your decisions come down to you "picking your poison" since no place will be perfect. My only prayer is that we move to the place where all of my family members will thrive, where I'll be able to positively impact the lives of people that are less fortunate than me, and where my children and hubby can feel safe, happy, comfortable. Whew!

Is this the kind of anxiety that awaits me every two to four years until I retire? Somebody please tell me no!